Friday, July 29, 2011

Keep going...

My cousin and his wife dealt with infertility during several years. That plus two ectopic pregnancies. But they persisted and now they have two healthy kids. Somehow, now that they have everything they were hoping for, something else is broken. I have no clue of who is at fault, but I learned this week that she asked for a divorce.

I know my cousin to be a true gentleman, who works hard, loves his wife and children and would never do anything to hurt them. I've also known his wife for many years, ever since we were all teenagers. I remember talking to her about my own infertility problems. She was always very compassionate and kind. I have no clue what brought up this decision but I can't help but think that maybe the ordeal they went through while trying to conceive somehow took its toll, and it is only surfacing now.

I am scared. I hate to think that we might be able to finally become a family, only to break that family to pieces later on. Just because it happened to my cousin does not mean it's going to happen to me, but I think about it a lot, especially remembering my recent breakdown when I had my period and the FSH was not here, and then discovering that they did not even send the right amount and I had to order more. I still marvel at how the spouse put up with me and my anger, despair and depression.

He took it upon himself to call in the missing injections and deal with our insurance. He has also kept me company during three of the four times I've injected myself for this cycle, and each time he hugs me and tells me he loves me.

I have always known I am blessed to have him, but the news from home have made me even more aware of that fact.


  1. Marriage is difficult in itself. Through in kids, it gets harder, Through in IF and it is very hard. We are lucky to have the men we married and need to remind ourselves of that at times. We need to step back and appreciate one another away from IF, away from kids we may/will have, away from the world. There are no guarantees in life, but remember to love one another and no matter what happens I believe we will make it! xo

  2. Remembering a) that we love them, and b) why we love them, and then telling them ... often ... is in my view a huge part of keeping them. I'm sorry for your cousin, but glad that you're able to appreciate your husband (who sounds wonderful).