Saturday, July 16, 2011

Getting there

Some days I sit here and start writing, and then decide not to publish anything. I'm still very depressed, but not as much as when I wrote my last post. I was so depressed I did not even call my doctor until much later. Now it's too late and I might have wasted not one cycle, but two.

You really need to be in the right frame of mind when you are incurring in self-harm through daily injections, plus allowing access to your vagina to a stranger on a regular basis. I was not in the right frame of mind, and in fact I am not sure I'm there yet. I have another appointment next Wednesday.

I have not missed a single day of work. I have often cried at work but have managed to pretend I have a cold or something. The fact that it is always very cold in my lab helps.

I stopped going to zumba. That was bad. I started again this week and felt quite good about it. I also started yoga. The first thing out of the teacher's mouth was that we should not simply take Prozac or other pills for stress and depression, that we should instead seek to heal ourselves, which of course takes time and effort.

Gee, I wish things were that simple. I have not gone back to antidepressants because sooner or later I will try again for another FSH cycle. But even if I did, those things take weeks to start working, and they also take weeks to wash out of your system. Also, I think it is in bad taste to criticize people on how they choose to handle their depression. Someone should tell her, but it's not going to be me. I am not that much into antidepressants anyway. My drug of choice is chocolate. Much better, no?


  1. Oh Pearl, my heart goes out to you. You are right, you need to be in the right frame of mind to start trying again. Give yourself time to be ready and eat as much chocolate as you need! My thoughts are with you- hugs!

  2. My thoughts and prayers are with you...this is a difficult road and it isn't always easy to "be on" all the time. Give yourself the time you need and if chocolate helps...go for it. Big hugs.

  3. Chocolate is always good. And I'm always sceptical that people who declare you shouldn't take medication for depression or stress have obviously never actually been depressed or stressed.