Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Not loving myself lately...

People who are never depressed think depression is something you can easily snap out of. As if being depressed were something you were doing to yourself.

Well, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I'm exercising, I'm eating well, I keep up with my hobbies... The only part that I'm finding very difficult is having a social life.

I tried to join a knitting group a few months ago, but decided it was not for me. A lot of knitting women are stay at home moms who knit too many baby items. They also talk a lot about their kids.

Did I mention before that I joined a book club? The books we read are good, but half the women in that club never read them, and those that do complain a lot about how horrible, ugly, difficult, boring, disgusting etc. the books are. Then they talk about their kids.

There's one other social activity I actually enjoy much more, since it involves practicing a foreign language in a small group, mostly retired seniors. I showed up today, pretending everything is normal, and someone said: "Oh my God, are you OK? What happened to your face?" I've been trying to ignore the mirror lately, but I guess my eczema is getting really out of control. Then again, it gave me the opportunity to make it clear that it's OK to sit next to me because it is not contagious.

I came home and cried a lot, which only made my eczema worse. But it also made me realize that mothers obsessed with their children don't give a shit about somebody else's face and hands being covered by red, scaly patches. Maybe for now I should stick with women who'd rather talk about their kids, and not about how ugly and disgusting my face looks.


  1. What a thoughtless, rude comment from your foreign language group! I'm sorry you had to put up with that.

  2. Is there another, less "mommy-centric" bookclub you can find?

    I do like the sound of a foreign language group. Just wish they were more tactful for you. Sending hugs.

  3. I'm sorry things are so tough. And I am sure you are definitely not ugly and disgusting despite your eczema, I'm sorry they have made you feel that way. I go to a knitting group with mainly retired people, would there be anything like that about?

  4. In retrospect, as tactless as the comment was, it originated from real concern for my well being. I am grateful someone cares about my health, even if I would rather not think about it. I talked again to the lady who made that comment and told her so. She took it well, I think.

  5. That's always really frustrating when the activities you do to help you cope actually turn out to contain people/ incidents that remind you of not so happy things. If only there was a way to advertise for a childless book or craft group without causing issues