Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Second Best?

One of the issues that worries me about adoption is the adoptee's feelings about being second best. The adopted child sooner or later realizes that her parents originally wanted a biological child, but they had to "settle" for adoption. Now, I am sure that I could love any child and care for her regardless of having a biological connection to her or not. The main issue here would be the child's feelings about the matter. How would I feel if I were an adopted child, and my parents had originally wanted someone else but had to settle with me instead?

In the case of the yellow dog, I knew perfectly well that I wanted a shelter dog just like her, no worries there on my behalf.

But what about the yellow dog's preferences? I know, she's just a dog, but I often wonder about her first owners, the ones that ruined her tail and made her so mistrustful of people. Based on what I know of dogs, she probably loved them anyway, because that's the way it is with dogs: They  love their humans, no matter what.

So basically, we are some sort of "second best" for the yellow dog, her first choice being the humans that never bothered to pick her up from the pound.

Under the risk of offending someone, I confess that this makes me think about foster kids. Their first choice would be, obviously, their biological parents.  If I were a kid's "second best", and  she my own "second best", would those two cancel each other out?


  1. I think there are complex issues when thinking of adoption but there is a way through it. I have heard from most who talk abuot adoption, that even though they first started to try for a bio child, that once their child arrives they cannot imagine being a parent to anyone else. Not sure, but interesting stuff to think about.

  2. I think adoption brings out many questions and concerns and fears no matter what the situation. Most people start wanting a biological child and turn to adoption when that plan doesn't work out. I think once that adopted child comes into your life, you 'only have eyes for them' so to speak. They ARE your child and that is what comes across.

  3. I agree with both of you. No matter how you come to be a mother, you always love your child. But I do worry about the child's feelings on this issue.