Sunday, December 11, 2011

Is it just about genes?

The nice thing about traveling is that the spouse and I had plenty of opportunities to talk. Two conversations were very important.

In one, we talked about someone I hardly knew, but who died last Summer of uterine cancer. She and her husband had suffered infertility and, though I never got the details, I assume she underwent some aggressive hormonal treatments when trying to get pregnant. They ended up adopting two kids, who have now, sadly, lost their mother.

One case does not make a rule. But it makes me ponder whether or not I want to keep pouring artificial hormones into my body, especially now that my sister has cancer.

Another conversation was about being child free and what that would mean for the spouse. To me, it is a life I do not wish to live. To him, it is not a big deal. My fear is that sooner or later he might change his mind, and then leave me for someone younger and probably fertile. He insists that will not happen.

I also told him about Dawkins's selfish gene, and how at least some of my genes have been passed into the next generation, through  my sister's kids. However, in his case, it is looking less and less likely that either of his siblings will produce offspring. And so he asked, all of a sudden, if I would agree if he were to donate sperm. I laughed, then I said no. Then I said maybe, and said I would think about it.

It's almost been a month, and I am still thinking about it.  I don't think he was serious, because he has not mentioned it again. But what if he does? I have no answer.


  1. I have also thought about the (small they say) risk for female cancers associated with the drugs. This is part of the reason I said no more after this cycle-a scary thought on both fronts.
    The convo you had about a childless life, same here. I can't see it and don't want it. He doesn't seem to mind too much, but I beleove him. If he were to leave it would be my unhappiness of not having kids that would push him, not his unhappiness with me not beig able to give him any. Not sure which is worse?
    The whole donor thing-hmmm tough one!

  2. Hmmmm - I think you're prompting a post from me here. Always the sign of a good post if it makes you think. Thanks.