It's all going to be all right

This has become my mantra. I have to remind myself that, if this cycle is a total failure, it's not a tragedy. We'll still be childless, but  blessed to have each other.

There's already a few glitches going on with this cycle (besides the yellow dog being sick and the office move). The delivery of my FSH was timed so it would be sent to the spouse's workplace before my period came. Somehow they failed to notify him when the meds were delivered. My period (and PMS) arrived, and the meds were not yet in my hands. Only when I was close to hysterics did the spouse finally start making calls and asking questions, until the meds showed up. Thankfully, the icepacks were still half frozen by the time we got them.

My FSH dose was supposed to increase by 50%, but I got the same amount I got last cycle. My doctor said that would not be a problem, since I could get a refill. But the insurance said I cannot get a refill without the doctor requesting it first. So once more, I am frantically sending emails, hoping the rest of the FSH will arrive on time.

Today was my first day of injections. I talked to the spouse about using the same dose as last cycle so the meds would last longer, but he convinced me to put all my faith in the system and inject the correct dose, hoping that the mess will be solved, otherwise I will run out of FSH by day seven.

By the way, he hates needles. He runs away when I am injecting myself. This time I explained that, even if I don't mind needles, I do hate doing this on my own, as if this were exclusively my problem and he had nothing to do with it. I made him stay with me and watch the whole rite: Disinfecting the area, uncapping the vials, extracting the saline with a syringe, and mixing it with the freeze dried hormone, one vial after the other. He cringed when I disinfected my belly and injected myself. When I was done, we hugged.

I don't know if he'll be willing to go through this again tomorrow, but I am hoping he is.