Not loving myself lately...

People who are never depressed think depression is something you can easily snap out of. As if being depressed were something you were doing to yourself.

Well, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I'm exercising, I'm eating well, I keep up with my hobbies... The only part that I'm finding very difficult is having a social life.

I tried to join a knitting group a few months ago, but decided it was not for me. A lot of knitting women are stay at home moms who knit too many baby items. They also talk a lot about their kids.

Did I mention before that I joined a book club? The books we read are good, but half the women in that club never read them, and those that do complain a lot about how horrible, ugly, difficult, boring, disgusting etc. the books are. Then they talk about their kids.

There's one other social activity I actually enjoy much more, since it involves practicing a foreign language in a small group, mostly retired seniors. I showed up today, pretending everything is normal, and someone said: "Oh my God, are you OK? What happened to your face?" I've been trying to ignore the mirror lately, but I guess my eczema is getting really out of control. Then again, it gave me the opportunity to make it clear that it's OK to sit next to me because it is not contagious.

I came home and cried a lot, which only made my eczema worse. But it also made me realize that mothers obsessed with their children don't give a shit about somebody else's face and hands being covered by red, scaly patches. Maybe for now I should stick with women who'd rather talk about their kids, and not about how ugly and disgusting my face looks.

Over the counter stuff not intended for eczema

It seems that I´ll make it to three years without a manicure, since the eczema patch on my left hand is not going away. I've decided not to gripe too much about it and instead share some of the crazy eczema remedies I sometimes use.
Yes, Carmex, the lip balm intended for cold sores and the like. It calms the itchiness almost right away, better than many over the counter itch remedies. One problem I have with anti-itch gels and creams is that, if the skin is broken, they cause a horrible burning sensation. And my eczema patches crack easily, even without scratching them. The skin is so dry that it feels almost like cardboard. Carmex takes away the itch without any unpleasant burning first. The only con is that it is extremely greasy. So applying that stuff on my hands means leaving greasy fingerprints everywhere. But when I can't stand the itch, having greasy fingers is a minor disadvantage.

Monistat anti-chafing gel is a good alternative for lubricating the skin without leaving it all greasy. I like to wear it under my latex gloves at work so I don't get any further irritation. At first I worried that  I might be causing even more dryness, because this really feels powdery, but after more than a year of using it  under my gloves my only regret is the Monistat name. Keeping this in my drawer raises a few eyebrows. Also, it is not easy to find. Mostly it is sold next the yeast infection treatments but I also found it once next to shaving needs. Sometimes it is not stocked at all and I fear for its disappearance. Luckily, I've been always able to find it in amazon.

Finally, here's a remedy that I like to apply when the skin is very dry and has started to crack. Once it is open, anything I apply to it is very painful. But this ultrapure lanolin does not cause any pain. I apply it at night right after witch hazel extract, put on a cotton glove, and when I wake up, the skin is much more flexible and feels less dry. I wish I could apply it during the day, but if Carmex is greasy, this is equivalent to lard. Sometimes I come in contact with a new soap or a new household cleaner that causes an unbearable burning sensation. I like dunking my hand in ice water when it happens, but I apply my corticoid cream first followed by lanolin to keep the cream from dissolving into the water. My only issue with this remedy is that it is found among breastfeeding aids. This means I have to go through aisles of baby products in order to find it. Never a pleasant experience, but I don't have to do it very often.

The very long post on Eczema and Acne

I talked briefly about my skin problems in my last post, and felt like elaborating a bit.

When I was a little girl, my mother had a drawer full of make up. I always thought I'd have a drawer like hers when I grew up. Instead, my drawer is filled up to the brim with ointments and creams.

My skin problems have been described as psoriasis, dermatitis or simply a rash, but most doctors I've seen think it is eczema or dermatitis. One doctor performed a patch test, which consists of going without a shower for five days while your back is covered with 70 itchy patches of many different substances. The conclusion from that test was that I should avoid perfumes. But other factors trigger rashes on different parts of my body.

• Sweat accumulation: This is the main cause of rashes on my armpits, my underarms, my eyelids, behind my knees, under my rings (including my wedding ring) and under my breasts. On hot, humid days, it might appear wherever an elastic band was in contact with my skin.
• Friction. This comes from exercise and certain sports clothes. A  few bras have also caused it, and I also get it and around my eyes if I've been rubbing them. Wearing bracelets and necklaces is also an issue. 
• Dryness: This is the main cause of eczema on my hands, which get washed many times per day, as it should be. Sometimes in Winter, when the air gets very dry, I get it also on my face.
• Perfumes and perfumed lotions. These give me a rash that is very itchy and swells a lot, making me look like a puff fish.

I respond very well to corticoid ointments and creams. I have also had some success with coal tar ointments. As for over the counter stuff, I use Gold Bond to prevent itch, and witch hazel extract to treat swollen or broken skin.

About the acne, well, it is one of the symptoms of  PCOS. It started in my teens and it has not stopped to this date. I get it on my face, back and neck. Keeping my skin clean and staying on a low carb diet helps me keep it under control, but the best remedy is birth control pills. Witch hazel reduces the inflammation.  I apply an antibiotic cream directly on the breakouts. Regular over the counter stuff, especially benzoyl peroxide, gives me eczema.

This post makes it sound like this all sucks, but it doesn't. I am very used to it all: showering everyday and also after exercising (like everyone else, I guess), blotting instead of rubbing myself dry with a towel, applying ointments when needed, wearing jewelry and make-up only on special occasions, throwing away brand new bras that turned out to be itchy, washing my face before going to bed, and only using hypoallergenic AND non-comedogenic products, especially on  my face. When I want to use perfume, I apply it to my hairbrush, not to my skin. It all sounds harder than it actually is.

The only thing that sucks right now is that I have not had a manicure in two years, and it is looking like I will not get one until Winter is over. Oh well.

Know your own limits

Those are very wise words, but I did not take heed for many years. It is never too late. I am being very conscious of my limits as I pack my suitcase for a trip that includes a wedding. Here's a list:

• Don't wear make-up for more than three hours. I often struggle with eczema. And when I am not controlling my PCOS, like now, I also get acne. The last thing you want on your face is acne AND eczema. That alone is material enough for a very long post.

• Don't wear high heels. I have scoliosis and had a back injury at age 23. I wore a back brace for 9 months.

• Don't lift more than 25 pounds. See above.

I guess the bride does not need to worry that I might outshine her.