Monday, June 20, 2011

On my own

Did I mention that Dr. Funny went on vacation? I basically moved to a new house, underwent ten days of FSH injections, an  IUI, and am now approaching the end of the two week wait without the support of my therapist.

He was really worried and left all sorts of contact numbers for me before leaving. I told him I'd be fine. He knew better.

See, I am a crazy person. Not the kind of crazy person you find talking to themselves on a street corner but nevertheless crazy. Crazy, as in hurts-herself-when-she's-depressed crazy.

There. I said it. I am not proud of it and I hide the fact as much as I can. But if I cannot be honest here, where, then? Just don't leave any stupid comments about how this totally makes me unfit to be a mother.

I've been pretty good at not hurting myself. Sadly, these days that is the only positive thought I can come up with. Because the rest of my thoughts tend to wander into the many possible ways there are of hurting myself, plus some other not so gloomy but still pretty depressing things. And you're going to say: "Don't do that! Don't think those thoughts!" and I am going to answer that yes, I know I should not do it, but the harder you try not to think about something the more it creeps into your mind.

Anyway, I am really glad that Dr. Funny is back, and that I am seeing him tomorrow.

I want this to be over, whatever the outcome.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry I missed this post. And I want to say well done on getting through all that without Dr Funny. Life's hard. Admitting it and getting help is really hard, and you should be proud of yourself when you don't revert to the behaviour you don't want. So I have huge respect for you.