Saturday, May 21, 2011

Feeling excluded

I've been trying very hard to stop worrying about everything. Some days are easier than others. The spouse is very supportive but he also is under a lot of pressure. At least we are not exploding at each other. I try to explode in private and my previous rant was one example.

I feel better now in spite of this little sign that was placed by the mailboxes in our apartment complex yesterday. Sometimes they organize events for the community, usually potlucks and the like. But this time they're doing something they've never done before: They are offering spa treatments... to "moms".

Though it is targeted to mothers, I am pretty sure that, had I shown up, nobody would have denied me my skin treatments, but it would have been a little awkward. We've been here more than five years and everyone in the leasing office knows very well that we do not have kids.

Even if this had not had been targeted at Moms, I would not have participated, given my eczema issues (right now I have a big flare on my left hand, for example), so I really should not care.

Nope, I really shouldn't.

Why then do I feel the need to make a comment? Should I? Or should I just forget about it? After all, we are moving away in less than a week.


  1. I would be annoyed by this too because it hits a little too close to a GIANT sore spot! I don't know if I would say anything though as you are moving. Sometimes I think I am too sensitive but there's no getting around the fact that his topic is such a painful one for so many of us. Why does this IF stuff have to infect every area of life? Sorry you had to deal with this. You deserve pampering no matter what your parenthood status is!!!

  2. I think when we are moms the 'mom events' will make us smile and feel special. But while we want to be moms and aren't, it makes us feel like we aren't included, not 'good' enough, and missing out on something that we want to part take in, just because it is for moms. Uggg...again IF strikes.

  3. I probably wouldn't say anything since you are moving. Those are the things that we suffer through silently. There is such a small percentage of us IFers in the world that I think the majority of people don't even realize that there is someone who could feel pain from this. I didn't go to church on Mother's Day...I boycotted it about 3 yrs ago. They have all the mothers stand up for a special blessing at the end of the mass. I used to go, staying seated during the blessing. In recent years as it became more and more evident that I may not ever have a baby. It is painful for me to sit through that. So, the last 3 yrs I stayed home and made brunch for my Mom, Aunt, and MIL. It's so hard to yearn for something and then have constant reminders that we can't participate yet.

  4. It's probably too late now, but actually, because you're moving, I WOULD say something. There's nothing to lose after all, and you might make something different for another woman, who might also find this another painful reminder.

    Hoping4family, I have a friend who also find's Mother's Day at church difficult. She has three children, but is aware of how silly this is (because she feels she shouldn't be congratulated simply for being lucky), and how painful it is to women who aren't mothers, for whatever reason. I hope you have said something to your church, to get them to think about what they are doing.