Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's that dreadful day again

Today I am staying home, avoiding the dreadful hoopla going on everywhere. Surfing the internet may not be the best idea, Still, I want to share  this article that I found by chance. It is very well written by a childless British journalist. It portrays the sadness of missing on motherhood, and the stupid assumptions other people tend to make about it. Very insightful.

At the end of the article, it talks a little bit about freedom: "So when I’m invited on a last-minute hiking trip to the Highlands, I can say yes. When a friend says: ‘Let’s climb Kilimanjaro for charity,’ I can say yes."

Indeed, not having kids sometimes gives us opportunities we would not otherwise have.

A friend called a couple of weeks ago at 4:00 pm with free tickets to the opera that same evening at 7:00 pm. Would we care to go? Of course we went, and had a great time.

Only now do I realize that, if DS were alive today, that would not have been possible.

Sadly, I don't feel any better in writing this.  It actually makes me feel guilty, as if somehow there could be anything good about infertility or miscarriage.


  1. That was a really good article. It is amazing how cruel people can be when they 'assume' the reason no children are in your family. I still don't want that life...

  2. Good article...I am almost never shocked by how unthinking and cruel people can be. I felt very sad by the end of the article though. The author's sadness was/is so great, I just don't know if I could live the rest of my days with that grief.

  3. I'll probably read the article sometime, but I just wanted to add that it's amazing how, over time, we put significant past experiences in to only a few sentences. Your last three paragraphs (4 sentences or so) are so deep. It's something that only an infertile or someone who had a m/c could understand. It's similar to how I can talk about the loss of my Dad now. It seems to minimize it when we summarize it.

    I hope you did ok today. We had my Mom, Aunt (who is my Godmother) and inlaws over for breakfast, then Mom and I played cards this afternoon. It was nice and I only had a few daggers to the heart (resulting from my own thoughts, not anything anyone said). But, now, I'm feeling it. We'll get there somehow!!!

  4. I think it is totally ok for you to enjoy the things that not having chidren affords us. This does not make IF any better, I realize this. I find that it is often an internal struggle but I am starting to allow myself to enjoy things like sleeping in, going to the gym when I want to, not needing baby sitters. This is my life right now and it is ok that I am living it.
    sending lots of love to you...

  5. I recognise the guilt. It's as if we think that by enjoying our childless life, we can't have wanted children enough. I went through that a lot - I'd catch myself enjoying a good lie-in on a Sunday morning, or relishing travel outside of school holidays, and then the guilt would hit. I think I've beaten the guilt largely into submission - but it still raises its ugly head from time to time.