Saturday, February 19, 2011

Even more PO

I bet you've heard by now of the Florida man whose adoptive daughter was found dead in a plastic bag, in the very same truck where his adoptive son was found, doused with unknown chemicals that almost killed him.

I don't want to link to that horrible story. It's bad enough that I read about it.

Who decided that this lunatic can be a parent? He has other adoptive kids. He also has at least one biological child, given that it was his biological granddaughter who alerted the authorities on the abuse he inflicted on the kids. The case worker came by, was not allowed to talk to the children, and happily left to enjoy life while the little girl was killed over the weekend, and her brother came close to being killed too.

Unlike this criminal and his wife, we are not worthy of becoming adoptive parents. Neither the spouse nor I are citizens. I could (potentially) adopt a kid in my own country, but I would not be able to bring her back to the US. Adoptive kids are not considered your dependents unless you've been their parent for at least two years. But staying out of the US for more than six months means having our green cards revoked, not to mention the spouse quitting what is a very good job, far from what he could find in his own country or mine.

So here's the thing, do I return forever to the place I left searching for a better life just so that I can become a mother? There's such irony in this..... I want to stay in the US because, among many things, it is a safer place to raise a family.

Another option is that one of us could become a citizen. We will have to wait until we have been residents for five years. That means that I'll be 44 by the time they allow me to apply. I am sure I would get it, but it bothers me that we would have to wait so long.

And then there's the spouse, who does not share my feelings about adoption. I don't want to keep raising the issue because, what's the point anyway?


  1. ugh, this is complicated. I have no words of advice but I feel for you in this situation and how stuck you are. I am not sure if this is even a real option for you, but I am wondering if embryo adopotion has the same restrictions. Thinking of you...

  2. It's not fair that so many are in this world aching for a child, yet crappy, evil people like that get to have them; via biologically and adoption!! I am so sorry you are in this situation; I am with cgd...thought about embryo adoption?

  3. Yes, I've given lots of thoughts to it, but I cannot get straight answers regarding whether it's legal or not. My guess is, the legislation is extremely outdated. There still is the problem of my bicornuate uterus. I am really scared of another miscarriage.