Saturday, February 26, 2011


For the past two days, it's been hard for me to keep tears back. It's not that I've been watching soap operas or reading tear-jerkers. It's just that February is coming to an end, and just about everything around me reminds me of all he horrible events of last year. The spouse has missed most of my crying moments, but yesterday he was with me when it happened.

I hate that. He tries really hard to cheer me up, but it never works. It only makes me feel that, for some reason, I am the only one grieving for our loss. Either he was never as attached to our baby as I was, or he just got over it quicker.

He sometimes says something about missing the old dog and I get really mad. Yes, I too miss the old dog. But I miss my baby even more, and it hurts that he mourns the dog but not the baby.

This only makes me hate the old dog even more for his bad timing. His death will be forever associated to the miscarriage.


  1. i am sorry you are having a difficult time. It is true that men and women process and react to events differently. i doubt your husband wasn't crushed or doesn't miss the baby or the memories he would have made with that baby, but they just show it differently. They are able to compartmentalize differently and don't grow as attached to things. Our councilor told me that most men don't begin to bond with a child until they can hold the baby. They will have feelings and love the child in utero but don't attach or bond with it. It is very hard for me to grasp that bc I attach to babies (even those that aren't my own) quickly, but the truth is, men dont. They also have this wonderful (at times) knack of being able to 'let things go' women hang on to them. Sometimes, especially with IF, I wish I had that 'guy mentality' a little more; it would make all of this hurt less.

  2. Thanks for the support. I agree that most men can get over their pain easily, but I grew with a father who was never afraid to express sadness or grief, or even cry a little. I know I cannot expect that from the spouse, and I am already grateful for everything he does. I guess it's human nature to always want more.

  3. I am so sorry this is a such difficult time of the year for you. Mine is coming upon us as well from last year. I don't even know if my hubby realizes it will be upon us and I know if I ask him...the tears will start flowing and so on. I truly believe that man process these events differently and that it does effect them in certain ways but it is so different from us women because we experience the physical side of it that they can't. I am so thankful for this community of women - who truly get it and are always here to support each other. Big hugs.