Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hushing up

I know pregnancy is not contagious. I know this for sure because throughout the years I've endured pregnant friends making me rub their bellies so I could get some of their baby dust. And, of course, it never worked. Frankly, I never thought it would. But at least now I have empirical evidence.

And so I also assume that infertility and miscarriage are not contagious, but apparently the general public has some weird ideas. When I came out about my infertility, I faced avoidance. It's almost as if people fear they'll get it too if I discuss it openly. As for miscarriage, people explicitly tell me not to talk about it anymore, as if by sweeping it under the rug I'd get to feel any better.

Of course, there is the other extreme: bringing fertility into every conversation.  At some point I had to explain the miscarriage to my nosy yoga teacher. And then she could not stop herself from talking about how beneficial yoga is for fertility. Out of the blue, doing a stretch, she'd say things like "this creates more space for the uterus, if you are trying to get pregnant".  It got to the point where I told her that if she ever mentioned the words uterus or pregnancy again I'd stop the lessons. And of course she kept at it so I stopped the lessons. I now do yoga with a DVD, thank you very much.

She must miss me, because she's been asking about me. A close friend told her I am doing OK. She now tells everyone that she "cured" me. Of what, of miscarriage? Gee, it's true. I haven't had another one. But that's probably because I have not gotten pregnant.

What is wrong with people?

1 comment:

  1. ugh, people are just so uncomfortable with this stuff. I think that in general most people do not know how to handle sad things well and thus say all the wrong things.
    I am sorry you have had these experiences, I hope you find some comfort in this community.